Disney Buys Star Wars

In case you haven’t noticed from my occasional Star Wars references and comics of Star Wars characters, I kinda like the films. I wouldn’t go as far as calling myself a “fanboy” (a.k.a. total Star Wars nut), but I am admittedly about two steps away from such an honor. So it’s not so unreasonable that I was little surprised that Disney – an empire built on a mouse – shelled out over four billion smackers to buy this Jedi-centered epic. This certainly confirms my impression of Disney as being a super giant conglomerate.

Despite my apprehension toward accepting the fate of Star Wars, I’m sure there are some possible positive things that may come from it. For one, Disney has promised a new Star Wars movie every two to three years. Far better than the “Oh, whenever I get around to it,” carrot that Mr. Lucas had been dangling in front of fanboys for the past few decades. Plus, there may even be more bonus features in the upcoming episodes. In fact, I have another one of my notorious lists that has some possible additions to the Star Wars universe now that Disney is at the helm.

1.    Even More Annoying Pointless Characters – You thought Jar Jar and C3PO were annoying? Well, well, well. Now with the Disney “creative” horsepower, you better believe there will be even more annoying characters providing marginally funny slapstick undoubtedly intermixed with such quality entertainment like fart jokes and expressions that only a toddler would laugh at.

2.    Star Wars the Musical – Ever wanted to hear Luke Skywalker belt out a sorrowful dirge lamenting his troubles of starting a Jedi academy? Now with a Disney Star Wars steering the ship, you may just get your chance. And after all these toe tapping tunes are released from the movie, you can certainly count on the songs remade and re-released over and over again by whiney teenagers who remix the songs with an annoying “pop” beat. Fun!

3.    More Princesses – Ever notice how many females there are in the Star Wars movies? Not many. Heck, in the first Star Wars, you’ve got Aunt Beru (who’s killed off pretty quick), Princess Leia, and that’s it. This certainly doesn’t fit the Disney movie template. Why, over half of Disney’s clientele are female. They can’t expect to make enough money to buy their success (i.e. Lucasfilm and Pixar and the Muppets) without selling Star Wars products equally.

4.    Horrible Happy Endings – Ever see the end of Lilo and Stitch? I rest my case.

5.    Ineffective Blasters and Lightsabers – In case you haven’t noticed, nobody is ever shot and killed in the world of Disney films. And severing body parts with lethal light swords? No way. In the Disney Star Wars you can count on new and inventive ways that people will either avoid being shot or miraculously be unaffected by such lethal blows.

6.    Bye-bye Jedi – I don’t mean that there won’t be any Jedi in the new Star Wars, they’ll just suck. What makes Jedi cool is the fact that it is a religion in itself. Jedi live and behave accounting to rules govern by this spiritual, omnipresent force that “surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.” Disney couldn’t possibly fund movies that back a religious theme. At least, not since the 1980’s when the Christian-centered company decided to become agnostic.

10 Cheap Fun Things To Do

It doesn’t matter what year you pick, a dollar today will never go as far as it ten years ago. That is, unless you’re buying computer parts. Nevertheless, it’s a fairly universal goal of everyone to use the money you have as effectively as possible.

So for your benefit, I put together a list of cheap activities that you can do with your friends and family that you may actually like. Go ahead, give a few of them a try. Even if it doesn’t work out for you, at least it won’t put you back a lot.

1. Have a Picnic: When’s the last time you pack up some food and headed off to a park? This is probably one of the most commonly suggested cheap activity yet it’s one people rarely do. This is both fun and surprisingly relaxing, provided you don’t select a location surrounded by ravenous creatures or the base of an active volcano.

2. Go for a Run or Walk: These activities may seem torturous to some, but their health benefits are obvious, they’re great stress relievers, and best of all they’re cheap! Your main expense is a good pair of shoes. And being a runner, I have some advice for this: Always check the bargain/clearance bins at sporting goods stores. They may not be the hottest “style”, but who cares? You’ll only use them to walk or run and they don’t go bad sitting in the store. So give it a shot, you might like it.

3. Play an Addictive Video Game: Sure, this one borders on dangerous. And some may argue that video games aren’t cheap. But look at it this way; if you take the number of hours you spend playing the game and divide that by the cost this is actually one of the cheapest forms of entertainment, especially if it’s a really good game. The dangerous part comes if you let it consume your life. So as long as you ration yourself, video games are a very good option.

4. Play a Good Card/Board Game: This is certainly a step up from video games when it comes to actually connecting with other people. The good news is, despite all the video games out there, the card/board game market certainly isn’t dead. There are plenty out there to choose from. And help you to decide, many of them have the type of game, number of players, and the average game duration on the box.

5. Host a Cookie Swap: Who doesn’t like cookies? Hosting a little get together with friends where a verity of cookies is the focus, how can you go wrong? Be warned that you may encounter some poorly made cookies or you may discover that you’re not exactly on the same playing field as your friends’ taste buds, but chances are you’ll find something that’ll make your mouth happy.

6. Read a Book: Another obvious one here. Yet it’s one that many people put off and put off and put off. How many times have you told yourself that you’ve been wanting to read more? Just do it. There are plenty of fairly “easy reads” out there that are quite enjoyable. If you haven’t read a book cover to cover in a while, I’d recommend a book intended for teens or preteens. They tend to have faster plots and don’t get too bogged down in details, just enough to get your taste back for more reading.

7. Volunteer: It really doesn’t matter what you volunteer for, just pick something, especially if it’s just a one-time commitment. This is undoubtedly a cheap activity, if not free, and often volunteers get certain benefits like free food or a spiffy T-shirt. Plus, depending on what you pick, you may pick up a new skill.

8. Have a Garage Sale: This is another possible dangerous one. Not because you’d likely get hooked, but because this can quickly turn into real work. My advice for this one is: keep it simple. You’re not a Target or Walmart. You’re goal should be simple. Just round up a few things around the house that you no longer use and been meaning to get rid of, pick a Saturday morning, and open shop. Don’t stress over haggling or trying to make a good deal. Just sell it for a couple bucks and move on. Keep in mind that the people buying are doing you a favor by taking away your old junk. So just relax.

9. Host a Bad Movie Night: The word “Bad” could easily be replaced with “Good” if you’d rather watch a decent movie. But I often find when you have friends over to watch a movie, picking a bad one is far more entertaining. You can almost make a game out of hurling sarcastic remarks at the screen and laughing at the terrible dialog and spotty acting. Just think Mystery Science Theater 3000 and go with it.

10. Write a Blog: Just like this one, there’s plenty of thoughts and nonsense that you rattle out and unload from your brain. Some folks pick topics that they’re very passionate about and focus on that. And then there’s other’s like me who’s all over the map. Whatever your taste, go at it. You can easily spend way too much time on it and it’s quite cheap. 

 

Mmmm... Ice Cream

Sure, you’ve got you’ve typical ice cream flavors; vanilla, chocolate, tapioca chestnut. And though there are more flavors available than ever before, I've always feel there’s always room for more. Here are a few random flavors from my warped mind:

1. Pizza Ice Cream – You’ve got pizza, you’ve got ice cream. Where can you go wrong?

2. Tea Ice Cream – Coffee ice cream has been readily available for years. Yet tea is by far more popular worldwide. Where’s this flavor?

3. Grape Ice Cream – It’s strange that such a popular fruit (used in jams, jelly, wines, raisins, fresh off the vine) isn’t already in ice cream.

4. Sprite Ice Cream – I don’t mean the grinding up little elf-like creatures for your chilly desert. I mean the using the non-cola.

5. Cranberry Ice Cream – Works for Thanksgiving, why not desert?

6. Jolly Ranger Ice Cream – This, as well most other popular candies, are completely absent from the ice cream selections.

7. Cinnamon Sugar Ice Cream – Why not? It’s tasty just about everywhere else.

8. Pop Tart Ice Cream – Pop Tarts, of course, are artificially flavored to taste like other things. Yet, they also have a taste all their own.

9. Hamburger Ice Cream – Like the pizza flavored, it’s all good. Might as well combine the best of both worlds.

10. Three Musketeers Ice Cream – There’s ice cream with M&M’s and other treats, but none with my favorite candy bar.

Mom’s 10 Commandments

A little while back, I made this list of Mom’s 10 Commandments. It essentially answered the question: what were the rules and nagging phrases that my mom recited over the years when she was forced to endure me as a child? Here’s what I came up with:

1.         Thou shall listen. Listening is how we show that we love.

2.         Thou shall sweat. Work without sweat is lazy.

3.         Thou shall hug. Everyone needs to be held.

4.         Thou shall laugh, otherwise you’ll cry.

5.         Thou shall get out. You’re letting all the hot air in.

6.         Thou shall give. Never miss an opportunity to help.

7.         Thou shall learn. Your head’s not full yet.

8.         Thou shall dream. Dream all you want. Dreaming’s free.

9.         Thou shall remember. Cherish the love you’ve had.

10.       Thou shall eat. Skinny’s not healthy.

This is an interesting exercise since it forces you to not only remember your own childhood but see parenting from Mom’s point of view. What would be your Mom’s 10 Commandments? Give it some thought. Chances are you can rattle off at least the top three.

Lousy Kid Movies

“When I was a kid…” The immortal words that every generation slaps down on the ones before. Because I’m an unequivocal movie junkie, I think about this with my kids when it comes to movies and TV. In fact, my kids undoubtedly have a distorted view of how old the movies they see really are since my wife and I “release” movies to them not based on when they come out but based on their content. Are they mature enough to handle it? I can only imagine years from now seeing them look back over their childhood and reminisce when they first saw movies like Pollyanna and The Wizard of Oz, movies that predate me.

But really, can you blame me? You’ve got shows like “High School Musical” that have so many ridiculous character motivations, it’s a wonder anyone believes any of it. And “Dora the Explorer”, a series of condescending, repetitive tales of a Latino girl who’s always lost and is continually trying to cross a river; no stereotypes there.

Yet, despite my negative comments toward today’s supposed “kid friendly” programs, I am very much aware of some of the garbage that was out when I was my kids’ age. In fact, I’d like to list out a few of the ones that stand out in my memory:

1. All Dogs Go to Heaven: There are so many sexually-oriented jokes, drug references, and outright violence in this movie, I can’t believe it’s even a cartoon. If you’ve seen this movie as a kid and are scratching your head over what I’m talking about, go ahead. Watch it again. You’d be surprised.

2. Little Monsters: Chances are, you may not have even heard of this one staring Fred Savage. If you haven’t seen it, don’t. Unless you’re looking for a good drinking game involving taking shots every time a stupid sound affect or an equally annoying line is blabbered out.

3. Caddyshack 2: The original Caddyshack had a non-existent plot with weird characters but was redeemed by snapping one-liners, hilarious acting, and very quotable dialog. The sequel had all the bad attributes of the original without the good.

4. Problem Child: The problem with this child is he’s annoying. It’s a little humorous watching John Ritter’s character trying to pick up the pieces of this little pest, but the pest itself is just someone you want to turn off.

5. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie: This may hurt some people’s feelings who were emotionally attached to these social rejects, but honestly they live up to their name. The Garbage Pail Kids were designed to be revolting and stupid and that’s just what they are.

6. Ernest Scared Stupid: I’m actually an Ernest fan myself, but this one should be forgotten. What’s crummy is the movie actually starts out well, but once the “scary” stuff really starts up, it gets idiotic very fast with some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen.

7. Superman IV: I imagine the makers of this movie thought, let’s take away everything cool about Superman and have him support the environment instead. Whoever wrote this garbage should have been dragged out and shot.

8. Erik the Viking: A Terry Jones movie with John Cleese and Tim Robbins. Where can they go wrong? Somehow, they found a way. This is one of the most boring, confusing, and poorly made movies I’ve ever seen.

No doubt, there are many, many more of them out there. But these are the ones that really stand out from my childhood. Perhaps you recall a few duds yourself?