The Spice of Life

We’ve all heard the trite saying: variety is the spice of life. But how often do we act on this notion? I’m certainly guilty of being so predicable that I could step into most restaurants and a family or friend could guess what I want without hesitation. I even find myself getting angry when I drive into work see someone has parked in my spot. And if the local Publix stops stocking my favorite toothpaste, watch out.

Have you ever gone through the day and paid attention to all the little things that you do just out of routine? They kinda creep up on you. And they are typically little things like the order you put on your shoes or which seat you use at the dinner table or how many squares of toilet paper you use at a time. Since they are little things, ever try to mix things up here and there? It doesn’t have to be over the top, like going sky diving when you usually do something a little less risky like floss your teeth, although the latter is more likely to draw blood.

But I digress. Just look for all the little things that you do routinely. Especially the things that you may not even know why you’re doing it the way you’re doing it. Why? Well, why not? You may discover a better way of doing things. Or at the very least, you may discover the trite saying about a spicy life isn’t so trite after all.

We All Hate Math

Math. One of the scariest words for many kids and adults worldwide. Over the years I have had the unfortunate pleasure of tutoring various friends and kids and other unwilling participants with various math subjects. Not that I’ve ever liked math myself; I’ve always found it a boring necessity. I was just one of the weird kids who “got it”. The main problem with math is it’s pretty hard to BS it. In most other subjects, there’s always a degree of wiggle room where you can just make up something, and as long as it makes sense and you can talk other people into it, you’re gold. Even in science, there’re theories and hypotheses that sprout from someone coming up with what they think is true. This doesn’t seem to work with math. And for the creative at heart, figuring out problem after problem just isn’t worth the effort. Thus math is an evil beast contrived by the devil himself.

For those you who hate folks like me who do “get it”, rest assured that there is at least some justice in life. Because many of my friends and family have pegged me as the math guy, I’ve had the painful job of teaching the subject in various forms to these math haters. And believe me, teaching math to people who are repelled by it is about as easy as taking the square root of a negative number – yes, a corny math reference that roughly means that it’s impossible without using a little “i”magination (ba-dum, dum). As I struggle through these teachings, I continually ask myself, “So, how many different ways can I explain this until this guy/girl gets it?” So in short, I hate math as much as anyone else. Not only because it’s boring but because I’m often stuck dealing with it more.

Nevertheless, it’s pretty hard to live without math. Try to and you’ll end up gullible and poor, always paying more for things, even taxes – like people who play the lottery. It’s one of those subjects that won’t go away no matter what you do, particularly if you have kids and have to relive the horrors known as math. But at least you can take small comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. Trust me, it’s mathematically impossible.

Are You Ready for Some Football?

I admit it, I like watching football (American football). In fact, it’s probably the only sport that I do like to watch, and this is coming from someone who’s been a runner for the past 20 years. Most running is about as entertaining to watch as watching the natural progression of tooth decay. But football, watching oversized humanoids bash their bodies into submission just to get an inflated pig’s bladder down a field, now that’s entertainment. And apparently a few people agree, considering it’s the most popular sport in America – according to their website, the NFL generates about ten BILLION dollars a year. That number alone practically makes my nose bleed. I told you it was a violent sport.

I’ve read in several places how American football is so amazingly popular in America because the sport caters toward the overweight. Without their uniforms and padding, a typical football lineup resembles a fat camp with a few more tattoos. And only thing scarier than meeting these big boys down a dark alley is meeting up with their fans, who can easily outweigh the players. Football fandom is a sport in itself, requiring chips, pretzels, beer, ridiculous clothing, and accessories that may or may not compare the opposing team with a box of truffles without the nuts. A good screaming voice is also imperative, regardless if you’re actually at the game or not. To this day, my mom – who is one of the sweetest, loving people I know – is undoubtedly the queen of yelling at the TV every Sunday during football season. And the things she would say… well, I’m just glad those tender gentlemen in uniform can’t hear her.

Anyhow, I guess my point is football is entertaining. So turn on the tube, snap open a beer, and yell away.

Things I Thought I'd Never Say

Ever find yourself saying things that you never thought that you’d say? If you happen to be a parent, the answer to this is almost certainly yes. These moments kinda creep up on you and they often surprise you more than the person or people to which it’s directed. Here is every single phrase that I’ve spoken over the most recent years that have shocked me:

1. When you’re in the bath, use soap: This is obviously directed toward my kids. It only amazes me that I’ve said this, but I have to say this – every single night – otherwise, it won’t happen. I can understand forgetting this from a kid’s perspective. To them, bathtub is playtime. Doing responsible things like cleaning oneself comes second. But seriously… every night?!

2. I believe we have a misunderstanding: I’ve uttered this immortal phrase about a million times at work. It roughly translates into: Get your head out of your rear and listen to what I’m saying! Although I use the word “we”, I’ve never use this when I misunderstood something. If this happens, I simply apologize and move on. Unfortunately, when the jerk across the table or on the other end of the phone isn’t getting it, out comes this phrase followed by me speaking as if I were addressing a four-year-old.

That just about sums it up. You may be telling yourself, “Really? Just two?” But honestly, if you knew me well enough you’d realize that I’m not easily surprised by any of the off the wall, bizarre utterances that I might have rattled out. I know probably better than everybody how strange I can be.

Friendships

As I get older, I’m amazed how fleeting friendships can be. Friendships usually consist of scattered ornaments formed from intersecting lives. Some of our deepest friendships come from some of our most pivotal moments in our lives when you happen to be experiencing something at the same time and place as someone else. At least it is for me. I’m not trying trivialize friendships; I think they’re some of the most important things of life. But they are also some of the most fragile.

When I think back at all the friends that I’ve had over the years, I wonder where they all went. Fortunately, social media technologies now like Facebook have helped to reconnect us with people that we might have assumed we’d never see again. And sometimes, this is actually a good thing. Still, often when I “friend” someone on Facebook or vice versa, I may think, “Oh, wow. Look who it is.” And then life goes on. The friendship may or may not get rekindled. These prospects are particularly dim if our lives are in different places now, moving in different directions, and they often are which is why we haven’t seen each other in years in the first place.

In my life, I could probably count on one hand how many deep friendships I’ve had. I typically categorize this as my “best friends”. Perhaps this is just me, but nearly all of the friends I make are not who’d I would consider “best friends”. This, I’m sure, is mostly my doing. I’m not one to open myself too much to people if I don’t need to. I have a feeling I’m not the only one who does this. But those who I do connect with wholeheartedly, I’m forever changed because I had the pleasure of having this person in my life. And I’m thankful that one of my best friends is my wife.

Still, I can’t help but wonder why I’m no longer friends with so many other people I’ve had in my life. Particularly, my previous best friends. How did I lose them? How did we go from being inseparable to strangers? Perhaps it’s just me missing something that I no longer have. We all hate loss. So do I miss the friends, or just miss not having them?

Nevertheless, having these friends is wonderful. In fact, I’d encourage you to take the following challenge: Make a list of the best friends that you’ve had in your life. Then write a word or two describing something about you that's different now because you had these friends. I think you’ll be surprised how valuable these friendships really were, or are. I know I am.

Our Embarrassing Stories

Embarrassing stories. Everyone has a handful tucked away. The only good ones are those that either involves somebody else or happened long enough ago that they’ve lost the sting they once had. In any case, a major lesson that all embarrassing stories teach us how to laugh at ourselves. This is an essential life lesson and those who fail to learn it will most certainly have a hard time, with themselves and with others.

Here’s one embarrassing tail that took me several years to unveil. In retrospect, it seems funny that it took that long. But that’s how embarrassment works. We want to keep them hidden, but the only way to truly turn off the ouch is to let it loose:

The breeze chilled my half-naked body. I crossed my arms across my boney, 10-year-old chest as I waited in line for the most frightening thing known to kiddom; the high diving board.

I had been psyching myself up all summer to finally take the great plunge and join the ranks of all kids who’d been laughing at my cowardliness. And now, I watched as the over-sized girl climbed the ladder in front of me. I was next. I had been swimming for the past couple hours and my skin was wrinkled and damp. The approach of autumn was in the breeze and my knees were shivering. The girl ahead of me casually stepped out to the end of board and leaped off. She made it look so easy.

“C’mon, kid. Move it!” A kid nudged from behind.

I grabbed the cold steel railing and made my way up. I had to stay focused. I had given this plunge a lot of thought. I knew the only way I was going to survive was to have a plan. Mine had two goals: 1) Jump off the high dive and 2) swim to the bottom. I figured if I was going to do the impossible, I might as well did the impossible times two. The bottom was a full twelve feet, impossibly deep for a kid to reach simply by swimming down from the pool’s edge. Even at 10 years old, I somehow understood the basic principles of momentum and the water’s resistance and related buoyancy.

At the top, I stepped onto the board, my legs wobbly and my heart bouncing around so hard I could barely get a solid breath. “Just get to the bottom. Just get to the bottom.” I chanted in my head. Finally, I reached the end of the board. The pool looked to be a mile away. I took a breath, and jumped!

I fell, fell, fell. In my mind, it took a full minute before I reached the water. The second I did, I immediately began paddling down. I could feel myself slowing. I paddled harder and harder. Inverted and through the blur of the chlorine, I could see the pool drain above my head. Water pressure squeezed me. I paddled harder and harder. Until at last, I reached the bottom.

I flipped upright and looked up. And there, floating 12 feet above me was… my swim suit. I looked down. I was naked.

I kicked off the bottom and paddled up, up, up to the surface. My face broke through the water and I found the air for which my lungs were screaming. After a few breaths, I could hear the chorus of laughter of every kid, adult, and lifeguard pointing straight at me. Amongst the cackling, everyone took turns reciting what had happened, the jump, the bathing suit, the naked boy in the pool.

Defeated and mortified, I snatched my suit, swam to the side, struggled to get it on, and slugged out of the pool. Ugg. So much for accomplishing the impossible.

10 Cheap Fun Things To Do

It doesn’t matter what year you pick, a dollar today will never go as far as it ten years ago. That is, unless you’re buying computer parts. Nevertheless, it’s a fairly universal goal of everyone to use the money you have as effectively as possible.

So for your benefit, I put together a list of cheap activities that you can do with your friends and family that you may actually like. Go ahead, give a few of them a try. Even if it doesn’t work out for you, at least it won’t put you back a lot.

1. Have a Picnic: When’s the last time you pack up some food and headed off to a park? This is probably one of the most commonly suggested cheap activity yet it’s one people rarely do. This is both fun and surprisingly relaxing, provided you don’t select a location surrounded by ravenous creatures or the base of an active volcano.

2. Go for a Run or Walk: These activities may seem torturous to some, but their health benefits are obvious, they’re great stress relievers, and best of all they’re cheap! Your main expense is a good pair of shoes. And being a runner, I have some advice for this: Always check the bargain/clearance bins at sporting goods stores. They may not be the hottest “style”, but who cares? You’ll only use them to walk or run and they don’t go bad sitting in the store. So give it a shot, you might like it.

3. Play an Addictive Video Game: Sure, this one borders on dangerous. And some may argue that video games aren’t cheap. But look at it this way; if you take the number of hours you spend playing the game and divide that by the cost this is actually one of the cheapest forms of entertainment, especially if it’s a really good game. The dangerous part comes if you let it consume your life. So as long as you ration yourself, video games are a very good option.

4. Play a Good Card/Board Game: This is certainly a step up from video games when it comes to actually connecting with other people. The good news is, despite all the video games out there, the card/board game market certainly isn’t dead. There are plenty out there to choose from. And help you to decide, many of them have the type of game, number of players, and the average game duration on the box.

5. Host a Cookie Swap: Who doesn’t like cookies? Hosting a little get together with friends where a verity of cookies is the focus, how can you go wrong? Be warned that you may encounter some poorly made cookies or you may discover that you’re not exactly on the same playing field as your friends’ taste buds, but chances are you’ll find something that’ll make your mouth happy.

6. Read a Book: Another obvious one here. Yet it’s one that many people put off and put off and put off. How many times have you told yourself that you’ve been wanting to read more? Just do it. There are plenty of fairly “easy reads” out there that are quite enjoyable. If you haven’t read a book cover to cover in a while, I’d recommend a book intended for teens or preteens. They tend to have faster plots and don’t get too bogged down in details, just enough to get your taste back for more reading.

7. Volunteer: It really doesn’t matter what you volunteer for, just pick something, especially if it’s just a one-time commitment. This is undoubtedly a cheap activity, if not free, and often volunteers get certain benefits like free food or a spiffy T-shirt. Plus, depending on what you pick, you may pick up a new skill.

8. Have a Garage Sale: This is another possible dangerous one. Not because you’d likely get hooked, but because this can quickly turn into real work. My advice for this one is: keep it simple. You’re not a Target or Walmart. You’re goal should be simple. Just round up a few things around the house that you no longer use and been meaning to get rid of, pick a Saturday morning, and open shop. Don’t stress over haggling or trying to make a good deal. Just sell it for a couple bucks and move on. Keep in mind that the people buying are doing you a favor by taking away your old junk. So just relax.

9. Host a Bad Movie Night: The word “Bad” could easily be replaced with “Good” if you’d rather watch a decent movie. But I often find when you have friends over to watch a movie, picking a bad one is far more entertaining. You can almost make a game out of hurling sarcastic remarks at the screen and laughing at the terrible dialog and spotty acting. Just think Mystery Science Theater 3000 and go with it.

10. Write a Blog: Just like this one, there’s plenty of thoughts and nonsense that you rattle out and unload from your brain. Some folks pick topics that they’re very passionate about and focus on that. And then there’s other’s like me who’s all over the map. Whatever your taste, go at it. You can easily spend way too much time on it and it’s quite cheap.