For Your Guys Only

I think it’s safe to say that every male with a female companion has been through this nightmare. Girl tries on a new dress or shirt or blouse or some other random covering, steps out in front of you when you’re in the middle of watching a game or sweating over some power tools, and prompts you with the deathly, “How does this look?” question. And you wind up saying the wrong thing and you’re left living in the aftermath for the next hours or days or however long it takes to recover.

Some guys, even the most experienced, may lead to you believe that there’s only one answer to this question. “You look wonderful!” But even this doesn’t work in all situations, especially with females. Keep in mind, your significant other can likely sniff out a lie better than you realize. And if you don’t believe me, watch how females relate to each other. Take any two females and have them spend the day with each other. It doesn’t matter if they’ve been best friends since they were kids, I guarantee they will lie to each other multiple times throughout the day, and both of them know it. But this is how they relate. One says something like, “I’d never eat anything like that,” and the other will filter these words through their built-in BS filter and hear instead, “I try not to eat that kind of food but sometimes I cheat and eat it anyhow.”

As a guy, when a female volleys the question “How does this look?” and you blurt out “You look wonderful!” you better believe she’ll sniff through your lie if you think clothing X is horrendous. So what do you do? How should you react?

The key most guys miss is what the female is doing when they ask the question. She isn’t asking a guy’s opinion. In fact, she could care less what you think. Especially if she’s known you long enough to realize that she doesn’t value your taste in clothes, which in many cases not without cause. What she’s really saying is this: “I want you to validate my opinion.” You can count on your girl already having an opinion about the piece of clothing she’s showing you. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have tried it on in the first place. So all she really wants is for you to support her opinion.

The next thing you’ll ask is, “Well… what is her opinion?” This is the tricky part. Tricky because it requires this: You need to interpret her opinion and do it fast – you only have the second or two between her asking and you answering. This interpretation often comes from the look on her face, they way she asks the question, the way she shows you the clothing. And only sure way to do this within the allotted time is to get to her inside and out. Learn how to read her. Learn how to pick up on the subtleties that are always there in females.

I will admit that the old standby response of “You look wonderful!” does in fact work most of the time. This is because by the time the clothing makes it off the rack and onto your girl’s body, chances are her opinion is positive. But many other times, she may still be unsure of her selection. It’s in these cases that “You look wonderful!” comes across as a bold-face lie and will likely lead to… well, let’s just say bad things. If you instead read her nonverbal signals and verbalize what you are picking up on, your words will undoubtedly ring truer with her. You could say, “You seem unsure about it,” which may prompt her to verbalize her opinion for you. And once she does this, all you have to do is agree with her. Again, she doesn’t want your opinion; only validation of her own.

So in short, get to know your girl. The old adage “Listening is the first step toward loving,” is truer than you may realize.