Friendships

As I get older, I’m amazed how fleeting friendships can be. Friendships usually consist of scattered ornaments formed from intersecting lives. Some of our deepest friendships come from some of our most pivotal moments in our lives when you happen to be experiencing something at the same time and place as someone else. At least it is for me. I’m not trying trivialize friendships; I think they’re some of the most important things of life. But they are also some of the most fragile.

When I think back at all the friends that I’ve had over the years, I wonder where they all went. Fortunately, social media technologies now like Facebook have helped to reconnect us with people that we might have assumed we’d never see again. And sometimes, this is actually a good thing. Still, often when I “friend” someone on Facebook or vice versa, I may think, “Oh, wow. Look who it is.” And then life goes on. The friendship may or may not get rekindled. These prospects are particularly dim if our lives are in different places now, moving in different directions, and they often are which is why we haven’t seen each other in years in the first place.

In my life, I could probably count on one hand how many deep friendships I’ve had. I typically categorize this as my “best friends”. Perhaps this is just me, but nearly all of the friends I make are not who’d I would consider “best friends”. This, I’m sure, is mostly my doing. I’m not one to open myself too much to people if I don’t need to. I have a feeling I’m not the only one who does this. But those who I do connect with wholeheartedly, I’m forever changed because I had the pleasure of having this person in my life. And I’m thankful that one of my best friends is my wife.

Still, I can’t help but wonder why I’m no longer friends with so many other people I’ve had in my life. Particularly, my previous best friends. How did I lose them? How did we go from being inseparable to strangers? Perhaps it’s just me missing something that I no longer have. We all hate loss. So do I miss the friends, or just miss not having them?

Nevertheless, having these friends is wonderful. In fact, I’d encourage you to take the following challenge: Make a list of the best friends that you’ve had in your life. Then write a word or two describing something about you that's different now because you had these friends. I think you’ll be surprised how valuable these friendships really were, or are. I know I am.